Valentine’s Day: Before Kids vs. After Kids: A Brutally Honest Comparison

Ah, Valentine’s Day - the annual celebration of love, overpriced chocolates and aggressively mediocre set menus.

Before kids, it was a day of romance, candlelit dinners, and questionable lingerie choices. After kids? Well, let’s just say the biggest ‘love language’ in your house now is someone remembering to unload the dishwasher.

For those of you still living in the pre-kid, love-drenched fantasy world, allow me to introduce you to your future. Here’s a little side-by-side reality check of Valentine’s Day before and after children.

1. The Build-Up

Before Kids:

Valentine’s Day is a big deal. You spend weeks planning the perfect outfit, booking a fancy restaurant and Googling ‘sexy but not slutty Valentines outfits’. The group chat is buzzing with plans and there’s a 95% chance someone is subtly hinting about engagements.

After Kids:

The build-up consists of frantically grabbing the last two cards at Tesco -one for your partner and one for the school’s mandatory Valentine’s exchange. (Why do toddlers need Valentine’s cards? WHO ARE THEY DATING?!)

You vaguely wonder if your partner is getting you anything, but honestly, if they let you sleep past 6 AM, yay.

2. The Gifts

Before Kids:

You splurge on thoughtful, personalised gifts - maybe a fancy watch, a designer handbag, or something sentimental that says I love you in an aesthetically pleasing way.

There’s also a chance you’re buying new underwear, because that’s what people in pre-kid relationships do.

After Kids:

If either of you remembers to get a gift, it’s something wildly practical. Think prepaid car wash or a really good travel mug.

One of you might attempt to be romantic by buying chocolate, but let’s be honest, it’ll be shared with the kids by 7 AM.

Also, your underwear is now strictly labeled DO NOT PUT IN THE TUMBLE DRYER because you refuse to buy another multipack for at least six months.

3. The Cards

Before Kids:

A beautifully written, heartfelt card, possibly with a poem inside. You really think about what you’re going to say, maybe even shed a tear while writing it. It’s meaningful, emotional and something they might actually keep forever.

After Kids:

You grab a card in the petrol station queue and sign it ‘Love you, happy Valentine’s!’ in a handwriting so rushed it looks like you sneezed while holding the pen.

If you’re really feeling extra, you’ll add a heart. But let’s be real - your kid probably scribbled on the envelope, so it’s already ruined.

4. The Dinner Plans

Before Kids:

You book a romantic, candlelit restaurant weeks in advance. You sip cocktails, gaze into each other’s eyes and eat a three-course meal while discussing future travel plans and how lucky you are to have found each other.

After Kids:

Dinner plans? Cute.

Your ‘romantic meal’ is a last-minute takeaway eaten in ten minutes flat while one of you referees a toddler tantrum and the other explains to a five-year-old why ‘spaghetti is NOT a weapon.’

You consider eating at the table like civilized adults, but the sofa and a Peppa Pig marathon win.

5. The Outfit

Before Kids:

A new dress, flawless makeup, and heels that make you regret every life choice after the first hour. You take at least 20 selfies before leaving the house.

After Kids:

Your Valentine’s outfit consists of whatever doesn’t have visible food stains.

There is a 20-minute debate over whether it’s worth wearing a bra.

It’s not.

6. The Romance

Before Kids:

There are deep conversations, stolen glances, and a general feeling that you’re living inside a rom-com.

You probably hold hands, and if things go well, the night may end in a way that justifies the fancy underwear.

After Kids:

Romance is your partner warning you about the shit-stain in their underwear before you wash it.

You almost cry from gratitude.

7. The Nighttime Activities

Before Kids:

The night ends with Boys II Men, candlelight and the kind of enthusiasm that only comes from a full nights sleep.

After Kids:

One of you falls asleep putting the kids to bed. The other scrolls through TikTok until their eyes hurt.

You could make an effort, but honestly, you’re both so tired that snoring in separate directions counts as intimacy now.

8. The Morning After

Before Kids:

You wake up whenever you want, probably in a king-size bed, feeling relaxed, refreshed, and still basking in the romantic glow of the night before.

After Kids:

You wake up at 5:45 AM with a toddler’s foot in your face, no recollection of what day it is and a vague sense that you meant to have sex but passed out fully clothed instead.

Final Verdict?

Pre-kids Valentine’s Day was cute, sure.

But post-kids? It’s raw, it’s real, and honestly, it’s just easier.

No overpriced nonsense, no high-maintenance expectations - just two exhausted people who love each other enough to suffer through another Peppa Pig episode together.

And if your partner lets you sleep in just this once? Well, that’s the real grand romantic gesture.

Now, go enjoy your lukewarm takeaway and don’t forget to steal some of your kid’s chocolate. You deserve it.