Love at First Rattle? The Class Dating Game

Walking into a baby class for the first time is like re-entering the dating world after a brutal breakup — except the breakup was childbirth, you’re leaking from various places, and your plus 1 is a tiny human who might projectile vomit at any moment. Add in a church hall, a singalong about sleeping bunnies, and a floor mat with questionable stains, and you’ve got yourself the ultimate trial in modern motherhood.

I recently ran a poll to find out how mums really felt about baby classes — and it turns out, we’re all basically swiping through sensory sessions hoping for a match.

Some mums had a dreamy experience — the equivalent of meeting someone who makes great eye contact, loves dogs, and actually texts back. Others left crying, confused, and vowing never to do that again.

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The First Date Vibes Were Strong

Much like dating, there’s a reason most mums turn up to their first baby class in a state of mild panic. You don’t know where you’re going, what the conversation will be like, or what to wear (is this a leggings-and-vomit-stain crowd or the full makeup-and-floaty-midi-dress crew?). The atmosphere can feel intimidating — a room full of people who already seem to know each other, laughing and chatting while you hover near the fire exit trying not to look too desperate.

And the baby? They’re the unpredictable third wheel. Some slept through everything, others screamed the entire session. A few managed both within ten minutes. One mum said she was kicked out of multiple classes because her baby wouldn’t stop crying — which is the baby class version of getting ghosted because you brought up your ex too soon.

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The Social Minefield: Swipe Left

Trying to make friends at baby class is like speed dating on hard mode. You’re balancing a human on your hip, singing nursery rhymes, and trying to form meaningful conversation between nappy changes and emergency rice cakes. Sometimes you chat to someone and feel that glimmer of connection — only to never see them again. It’s not you. It’s baby group fate.

Then there are the red flags: the judgemental glances, the smug comparisons, the passive-aggressive breastfeeding comments. One mum said she walked out of a class after being asked if she was “feeding her daughter herself.” That’s a “Sharon, we’re done here” moment if ever there was one.

And we’ve all been there — accidentally trauma dumping during the hello song, then wondering why no one sat next to us the following week. Honestly, if you haven’t cried in a church hall while clutching a maraca, did you even do maternity leave?

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Still… Some Found The One

Of course, not every baby class was a disaster. Some mums genuinely found their people. They stuck it out through the awkward intros and clunky parachute songs and ended up with friendships that lasted far beyond the baby phase. Like dating, once you get through the duds, sometimes you find the one — the class with the right vibe, the right mums, and just enough chaos to make you feel seen.

For others, it wasn’t even about friendship. It was just something to do — a reason to shower, get dressed, and leave the house. Think friends with benefits: no deep connection, no expectations, just a weekly fling with a foam mat and a tambourine. The bar was low, and baby class cleared it.

Some even admitted they kept going just for the caffeine hit or the soft play gossip — basically the baby group equivalent of dating someone for their Netflix password.

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Timing Is Everything (Just Like Dating Apps)

A lot of mums admitted they didn’t bother with classes until their baby was older — because let’s be honest, dragging a six-week-old to baby yoga is like going on a date with an emotionally unavailable man-child. Many found that waiting a few months made all the difference — fewer meltdowns (from both parties), more chance of actually enjoying it.

And those second or third-time mums? They were often way more chill. Less pressure to “make friends,” more interest in whether the coffee was decent. They’d been love-bombed by a group leader before and weren’t falling for the bubbles and scarves act again.

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So, What’s the Verdict?

Baby classes are the Tinder of motherhood. Sometimes you strike gold and meet your soulmum. Sometimes you leave halfway through, crying in the car and swearing never to put yourself out there again.

But just like dating, showing up is the first step. Whether you stayed and loved it, ghosted after one awkward chat, or hate-attended for weeks just to feel like you were “doing something” — it all counts. You tried. You showed up. You did the work.

And hey — even if it didn’t lead to a long-term connection, at least you’ve got a story. And possibly a parachute-induced eye twitch that will never truly fade.

Now, someone start a baby class that ends with wine, carbs, and no one asking about your feeding choices. I’ll see you there.