An Ode to a Shower on My Own: The Ultimate Mum Fantasy

Ah, the solo shower. Is there anything more luxurious, more forbidden, more mythical in the world of mumhood? Some people dream of exotic holidays or expensive spa days – not us. We dream of 10 uninterrupted minutes under a cascade of hot water, in complete solitude, with nobody pounding on the door yelling, “Muuum!”

Let’s take a moment to celebrate the rare and precious solo shower – a symphony of silence, a carnival of calm, and the ultimate “me time” in the chaotic reality of being a mum.

Act I: The Shower Invitation

It all begins with the whisper of possibility: everyone is preoccupied. Perhaps the kids are watching TV, a snack is buying you a precious few minutes, or (dare we even think it?) they’re actually asleep. You check the coast, double-check your spouse’s location, and quietly slip away, not daring to alert the family to your intentions.

Suddenly, the house is your stage. You move stealthily, glancing over your shoulder like a covert operative. You’ve done it – you’re alone. The mission is on.

Act II: The Sanctuary Setup

A shower on your own deserves the right mood. You grab that “fancy” shower gel you’ve been saving for an occasion, because you know this could be it – the shower of a lifetime. You consider lighting a candle, realize that’s far too much effort, and simply settle for the luxury of locking the door. Locking the door. It clicks, and with that, you feel a rush of freedom not felt since your pre-mum days.

You’re ready to step into your own personal oasis. The outside world is forgotten, replaced by the gentle hum of water and a subtle feeling of rebellion.

Act III: The Cascade of Pure Joy

Hot water hits, and for a moment, everything melts away: the sticky handprints on the fridge, the pile of laundry waiting for you, the endless snack requests. You exhale. This is bliss. You don’t have to referee an argument, locate a lost toy, or remind anyone to use the potty. You are completely, blissfully alone.

And for a moment, you might even believe that this could last forever – just you, the steam, and a few stolen minutes of solitude.

Act IV: The Uninterrupted Shampoo

The true thrill of a solo shower lies in the uninterrupted hair wash. Normally, shampoo is slapped on in a frenzy while you have one foot out the shower because you’re certain you heard a suspicious crash. But not today. Today, you lather. You even use conditioner and let it sit for the recommended two minutes. You close your eyes and imagine you’re in a high-end spa, while your shower head, admittedly, sputters like a lawn sprinkler. But who cares? You’ve got all the time in the world… or so you tell yourself.

Act V: The Sudden Jolt of Reality

Just as you’re enjoying the zenith of relaxation, a faint but unmistakable sound interrupts the bliss. A tiny voice, barely audible over the rush of water, calls, “Muuuum?” It’s like a homing device; no matter how soft, that sound hits your brain like an air horn. Your mum senses tingle as you brace yourself. Maybe if you stay quiet… maybe if you pretend you can’t hear…

But then the knocking starts. Rapid-fire, like someone pounding to be rescued. The door handle jiggles. “Mum, I need you! Mum, I just need one thing!”

You take a deep breath, wondering if perhaps today will be the day they finally realize you’re in the shower. (Spoiler: It’s not.)

Act VI: The Bargaining

You shout out to them that you’ll be out “in a minute!” knowing full well it’s a lie. But they keep pushing, pleading their case with unmatched determination. “But Mum! I just have to tell you something! It’s important!”

You could ignore it. You could… But then your curiosity gets the better of you, and you shout back, “What is it?”

It’s as though they’ve waited their whole lives to say: “I just wanted to tell you I put on my socks all by myself!” It’s a sock update. That was the life-or-death information worth disrupting your shower sanctuary.

Act VII: The Triumphant Finish

Knowing the illusion of the solo shower has shattered, you make peace with it and move into overdrive. You’ve mastered the art of the 30-second rinse, and even manage to do a quick leg shave on one leg (because two is just way too ambitious). But as the water shuts off, a feeling of calm remains. You did it. You had a moment. You emerge, towel-draped and triumphant, feeling just a tiny bit like a superhero.

And as you open the door to greet the whirlwind of parenting, you realize that sometimes, even a 4-minute shower on your own is enough to recharge the mum-battery. Until next time, sweet solitude – I’ll see you in about three to five business days.